Me missing Glee enormous amounts!!

"you're too busy chasing tail and loading your hair with enormous amounts of product. i mean today it just looks like you put lard in it." -Sue

Letting go?

Last night I was on facebook and decided to join the "dear john" fan club! I can already tell its going to be a mushy guuusshy chick flick with water works (crying incase you dont know) and I will be fist in line to see it because I am a hopeless romantic. So procrastinating my homework I decided to look at the Dear John profile and see what pics they had up. Had no idea what i was in for. I started looking through this entire album of couples who have been seperated for their country. These picture hit me so hard that I got into this mind set of what if that were me? I admire these brave men so much that they can just leave their families behind for months at a time to serve and protect our freedom. But then i looked at the other side of the map. The wife, the daughter, the son, the girlfriend how do they let go? How do they physically let this person from their arms and watch them get on a plane to fly away?? The thought of it really disturbed me because I get very attached to the things I truely care about. If I had to let my dad go I would be a mess thinking about is he ok? will he come home? how long will he be gone? These people who live through this everyday amaze me by how much strength they must have. I worry myself to the point of physical illness because I want to be in control of everything all the time! I dont want things to go wrong and when they do I panic! These men and women are doing such an amazing thing but in the back of my mind I would be asking myself why my family? Why does MY brother have to go try and help these people who have been having problems sense god set them down on earth. The selfishness would just swell untill I couldnt bare it. If I had to let my husband(when I have one) go to war I dont know how I would manage. I would probably beg and plea for them not to leave. I'm glad I havent had to face that kind of trial. Maybe because god knows I wouldnt be able to handle it..(haha thanks god) But I will have a similar experience soon enough. Not as heart wrenching as war. But just to watch someone special sacrafice two years of their life for missionary work. I admire people who are so unselfish that they do it with a grin and a thumbs up because they know what they are doing is right and will benifit others! But us who are stuck here..feel a little useless and just miss them. But you always have to pick your brain up and put it back on the path of what they are actually doing out there. You cant always think well..they were just taken away from me..selfish. You have to keep reminding your flawed mind that they are out there serving! They are protecting our countries freedom! They are helping other people find happiness in an amazing gospel. Lexie..dont you want other people to know how amazing this person is? Dont you want others to know true happiness. Its like finding a magic wand. You have this magic wand and you can do anything and it makes you so unbelievably happy! But at the end of the day you put it in your pocket and no one else benifits from it. Why would you do that? You gotta shaaarree...the dreaded word. sharing. Amazing people we have on this earth. Glad we have them to coutneract with that bad people!
Deal with it :]

How do you feel about that?

So I have a confession. I'm a day dreamer. Always have been always will be. I miss alot of things that go on because I'm usually consumed by my own thoughts. I love the human brain. I love that we have like...built in cameras that can recored endless memories and experiences. And when your thinking about something only YOU know!! You could be sitting in math class and be thinking about what your gonna have to eat before you go to work. Puts you in a better mood. Or you can be reading a book..but be thinking about this amazing guy and what you did on your date and completely RELIVE the entire experience over and over again. I can get to the point of getting the same butterflies when ever I relive a kiss I had recieved earlier that night. I can relive the smells the tastes and even though memories arent AS good as actually being there its still amazing. I can replay it to the point of thats my only train of thought and for that one moment in time i escape into this place where no one else has been! I might never go back to the same memorie because things always change or fade. But there are always so many to relive anytime you just need to rest from other worries like school and work. I can go back and relive bad highschool memories and be sad. (which i dont usually do but it does happen every so often.) and i think...what was I thinking?? And then I can re write what I SHOULDVE done and then the outcome is better. Not real of course. But still so fun to try and imagine. I would love a time machine. haha really though.
:] deal with it.

So i was sitting in my english class today, and realized i dont know the real definition of words. Words we use everyday but i think we underestimate the true meaning. Like the word proud. Proud has several different meanings depending on the way you take it in. Definition A: from google. proud-Having a too high opinion of oneself; arrogant. that is NOT the proud i am talking about. I'm talking proud-having respect for one's worth. A really special person in my life got his mission call a few days ago. I always told myself I would never be that girl. You know the girl that crys because this guy is leaving. And here I am. In the front seat of it your opinions change. Yes I am sad to see him go because I am a selfish person like that. I have always wanted all of his attention all the time! Sense the first day I met him I've been working really hard to accomplish that. But being in the front seat of this experience I find myself just awed by what I am watching. I am so proud of him for being worthy of holding the priesthood and being worthy to go and serve. I just sit back and watch all these boys show their true colors as they smile at every new destination they are bound to go. Makes me sit here and wonder. How can I be that great?? What am I doing to be that strong and faithfull. Well my first thought was well I'll go on a mission. But that might not happen because the future is always so unclear. Second thought was I will do as best I can in my calling. And I will do my best in my education. He's shows me such bravery as he opens that call to Argentina and says "I am so happy right now." How do I show how brave I am? Graduate from college. Going to college is how I can show how brave I am by going to Math 1010 staring FAILURE right in the face and still being determined to pass this class. I want to be ready and worthy to marry someone like that. No more being told I'm judgemental and closed minded. I'm selfish,have high standards, and harsh opinions sometimes.
Deal with it :] i just know what I want

Decided to try blogging again! wish me luck!